“The way we were treated as small children is the way we treat ourselves the rest of our lives, and we often impose our most agonising suffering upon ourselves.” — Alice Miller (1987, p.133)

When Expectation Meets Reality Therapists spend a lot of time helping clients make sense of disappointment — that aching gap between what we hoped for and what is. But if we’re honest, we’re not immune to it ourselves. We expect to feel centred and compassionate every day, to know what we’re doing, to manage our…

(And Why That’s Not Resistance) There are few phrases that can quietly derail a therapy session like this one: “I don’t know.” And often, something happens inside the therapist. We might feel momentarily stuck.We might try another angle.We might gently probe, rephrase, offer options. Or – if we’re honest – we might wonder whether the…

When most people hear the words “couples retreat,” they imagine something halfway between a spa break and a reality show — scented candles, a bit of yoga, possibly some awkward confession circles, and someone weeping into a herbal tea. What happens at a couples retreat? But the reality of a couple’s therapy retreat is something…

(Why Developmental Thinking Changes Everything) There’s a quiet assumption woven into much therapeutic work:that if we stay present-focused enough, insight and change will follow. For many clients, this is true. But for others – often those with early relational trauma – something essential gets missed when therapy remains anchored only in the present. These are…

I’ve been thinking about when I feel panic in the therapy room. Not full-blown panic, necessarily. More that quiet, internal scrambling that can creep up when the work starts to feel complex. Suddenly, I can feel myself trying to find the right thing to say, make the right intervention, ask the right question, or produce…