“The way we were treated as small children is the way we treat ourselves the rest of our lives, and we often impose our most agonising suffering upon ourselves.” — Alice Miller (1987, p.133)

Everything in life comes back to relationships — how we relate to others, the world around us, and, most importantly, ourselves. And in our most intimate relationships, the places where we feel most loved are often the same places where our deepest triggers show up. It’s why so many couples reach a point where they…

(And How Not to Panic) There are moments in therapy when something shifts suddenly. A client who was reflective becomes overwhelmed. Tears escalate quickly.Words disappear.The room feels tighter, louder, more urgent. And inside the therapist, a familiar response can arise: I’ve lost them.This is too much.I need to do something – now. This is often…

There’s a moment many counsellors recognise, even if we don’t always say it out loud. A client does the thing again. And somewhere inside us – usually quietly, a thought flickers: Why does this keep happening? It’s often at this point that behaviour starts to feel like the problem. We might dress it up in…

(And Why That’s Not Resistance) There are few phrases that can quietly derail a therapy session like this one: “I don’t know.” And often, something happens inside the therapist. We might feel momentarily stuck.We might try another angle.We might gently probe, rephrase, offer options. Or – if we’re honest – we might wonder whether the…

(Why Safety Can Feel Like a Threat) There’s a moment in therapy that can quietly unsettle even experienced counsellors. The work has been steady.The client feels more regulated.Sessions are calmer.There’s less crisis, less urgency. And then – something shifts. The client becomes anxious again.They create conflict.They miss a session.They suddenly question the therapy itself. It…

(Whether You Mean To or Not) Most therapists don’t remember being taught about co-regulation. And yet, if you sit with clients day after day, you are using it constantly. Often without naming it.Often without planning it.Sometimes without realising how powerful it is. Co-regulation isn’t a technique you “apply”. It’s something that happens between nervous systems…