Attachment Parenting Repair, Good Enough Parenting & the Pressure to Get It Right

This bonus episode of Attach Together feels different from our usual conversations.

Kiah, who edits the podcast and works alongside Darren and the Optima team, joins not as a clinical host, but as a parent of two young children. After listening back to previous episodes, she brings a question many parents may quietly recognise:

Am I getting this wrong?

Together, Kiah and Darren explore attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships, and therapy through the everyday realities of parenting: screen time, guilt, tiredness, dinner-time battles, social media pressure, and the hope that repair may matter more than perfection.

Attachment parenting repair means noticing when something has gone wrong between parent and child, and finding a way back into connection.

The episode returns to the idea of “good enough” parenting. Children do not need perfect attunement all the time. They need enough moments of being seen, soothed, enjoyed and returned to.

For counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and therapy trainees, this conversation also asks something important: when we talk about attachment-informed practice, does our language help parents feel more reflective, or more ashamed?

In this episode

Kiah and Darren reflect on:

• why attachment theory can feel overwhelming for parents
• the difference between repair and perfection
• how parents may repeat, reject or overcorrect from their own childhoods
• screen time, smartphones and guilt
• the “perfect parent” image on social media
• the ABC model: antecedent, behaviour and consequence
• why therapists may over-analyse their own parenting
• how small moments of play and repair build safety over time

Common questionsWhat is attachment parenting repair?

Attachment parenting repair is the process of returning to connection after a difficult or misattuned moment. It may involve apology, humour, touch, explanation, play, or simply coming back with warmth.

Does attachment theory mean parents must get everything right?

No. Attachment theory does not ask parents to be perfect. Repair after rupture is part of how children learn that relationships can survive difficulty.

How do attachment styles affect parenting?

A parent’s attachment style may shape how they respond to crying, closeness, conflict, independence or overwhelm. Becoming aware of those patterns can make parenting more conscious.

Chapters

01:02 Good enough parenting
02:33 Attunement, rupture and repair
07:46 Wondering about attachment style
10:24 Screen time and parenting pressure
13:21 Social media and external authority
21:20 Brain development, play and connection
28:50 Repairing difficult parenting moments
32:15 Do therapists over-analyse parenting?
36:06 The ABC model of behaviour
38:15 Dinnertime struggles
41:40 Changing antecedents and consequences

Resources mentioned

• Winnicott’s idea of the “good enough” mother
• Kate Silverton, There’s No Such Thing as Naughty
• Kate Silverton, Still No Such Thing as Naughty
• ABC model: antecedent, behaviour and consequence
• Optima Level 5 and Level 7 Diplomas in attachment-based psychotherapy

A CPD certificate link is available in the show notes. You may also use this episode for personal reflection, supervision or CPD learning.