(Whether You Mean To or Not) Most therapists don’t remember being taught about co-regulation. And yet, if you sit with clients day after day, you are using it constantly. Often without naming it.Often without planning it.Sometimes without realising how powerful it is. Co-regulation isn’t a technique you “apply”. It’s something that happens between nervous systems…
(And What Actually Helps Instead) There’s a familiar experience many counsellors share – often with a hint of frustration they feel they shouldn’t admit. The client understands. They can name the pattern.They can trace it back to childhood.They can explain exactly why they react the way they do. And yet… nothing changes. The same anxiety…
(Why This Is Where Attachment Work Truly Lives) There’s a common misconception in therapy that change happens in moments of insight. A realisation lands.A pattern makes sense.A link to childhood becomes clear. These moments matter – but in attachment-informed work, they’re rarely where the deepest healing occurs. That happens somewhere else entirely. It happens in…
(And How Not to Panic) There are moments in therapy when something shifts suddenly. A client who was reflective becomes overwhelmed. Tears escalate quickly.Words disappear.The room feels tighter, louder, more urgent. And inside the therapist, a familiar response can arise: I’ve lost them.This is too much.I need to do something – now. This is often…
(What Might That Be Protecting?) Many counsellors say it – sometimes confidently, sometimes cautiously: “I don’t really do inner child work.” It’s often followed by a rationale: These concerns are understandable. Inner child work has, at times, been poorly taught, loosely defined, or practiced without enough containment. And yet, from an attachment-informed perspective, it’s worth…
(Even When the Client Is 58) At some point in attachment-informed practice, many counsellors have a quiet realisation. The client sitting in front of us may be an adult – articulate, capable, reflective – and yet something else is present too. A fear that feels too big.A longing that feels strangely young.A reaction that seems…
(Why Developmental Thinking Changes Everything) There’s a quiet assumption woven into much therapeutic work:that if we stay present-focused enough, insight and change will follow. For many clients, this is true. But for others – often those with early relational trauma – something essential gets missed when therapy remains anchored only in the present. These are…
(A Nervous System Doing Its Job) There is a particular kind of moment in therapy that can catch even experienced counsellors off guard. A client reacts strongly – suddenly, intensely, and in a way that feels disproportionate to what’s just happened. A raised voice.Tears that arrive without warning.A sharp withdrawal.A look of panic, shame, or…
(And Why That’s Not Resistance) There are few phrases that can quietly derail a therapy session like this one: “I don’t know.” And often, something happens inside the therapist. We might feel momentarily stuck.We might try another angle.We might gently probe, rephrase, offer options. Or – if we’re honest – we might wonder whether the…
There’s a moment many counsellors recognise, even if we don’t always say it out loud. A client does the thing again. And somewhere inside us – usually quietly, a thought flickers: Why does this keep happening? It’s often at this point that behaviour starts to feel like the problem. We might dress it up in…
